Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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