When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
