TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
