Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
