he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
