don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
