I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
