My entire life is one complicated drinking game
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
