this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize