He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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