I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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