girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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