tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they need to just BURY HIM!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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