After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
