God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
