i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
