his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
