Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
