I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
