you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I want is dick and wine.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
