Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
