I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
