But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
