Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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