What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
