I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
