I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
