I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
