the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
