Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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