Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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