wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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