We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
