so explain again why im purple
no
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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