My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk is not a location!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
