Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
