You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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