I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
