the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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