I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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