My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
