No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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