my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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