Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
