Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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