operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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