After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
