you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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