Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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