He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize