are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
