Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I met the friendliest cop last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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