I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
