if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
