"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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