my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
