Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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