Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize