did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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