She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
