The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
