to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
