well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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