I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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