i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
