I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
