My friends, they love my intelligence
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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