dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
