You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
